A Service of Celebration and Thanksgiving for the life of Joy Mary MacCuaig

Photo Collage as congregation gathers – music - Sonkeyman

Music to enter – Pan Pipes

Welcome and opening words

I would like to welcome you all to this service of celebration and thanksgiving to honour the life of Joy Mary MacCuaig who died on the 18^th September at the age of eighty five.

We know that some of you have travelled a considerable distance to be with us today, and we would like to sincerely thank you all for your support.

Sadly, it was only a few months ago that we gathered here with Joy to honour Rod’s life after he passed away, so today our thoughts and prayers are with the family having to deal with the loss of another loved one so soon after their first bereavement. 

Tribute

INTRODUCTION TO MUM’S FUNERAL

Joy was born Joy Mary Jacques in St. Albans, Hertfordshire in April 1933, the second child of Lilian and Cecil Jacques who had a son, Maurice, ten years old at the time.  When Joy was born her father was so thrilled that he instantly named her Joy.  Shortly afterwards the family moved to Penarth in South Wales.

War broke out in 1939 and eventually Maurice became old enough to enlist.  One of Joy’s proudest memories was of walking out with him in his uniform when he came home on leave.

In 1947 Cecil died which meant that Joy had to leave school to contribute to the family finances.  She undertook training to become a shorthand typist.

Joy loved dancing and always attended the weekly dance at the Marina ballrooms.  It was here that she met Eddie her first husband.  They married in 1955 and two daughters Veronica and Debbie followed. In 1962 Eddie had the opportunity to go to work temporarily in India but being concerned about the health and education for ‘the girls’ he  went first to check out the services available. Joy followed eight months later with the girls …quite a feat at 29 to organise and execute.

India provided some of the happiest times of Joy’s life.  She relished the adventure and the social life and she and Eddie made some life-long friends whilst there. 

Joy and Eddie had always wanted a large family and soon after returning from India, Joy fell pregnant.  Sadly this child, a boy, was stillborn but to their absolute delight, in 1968, Jo, their third daughter was born.

Tragedy struck again however, in 1972 when Eddie died suddenly of a brain tumour.  At the age of 38 Joy was a widow with two teenage daughters and one preschool daughter.  She must have suffered terribly but was determined to keep the family together and as upbeat as possible.

She managed this for several years.  Then in 1978 she remarried and moved with her new husband to the Wirral.  However, this relationship soon soured and ended in divorce.

Joy then met Rod, Debbie’s father-in-law, a widower, not long returned on retirement from Africa.  They hit it off and Joy eventually moved to Devon where she settled with Rod for the rest of their lives, enjoying a very happy and long retirement which included walking, table tennis, bridge and wine tasting.   They also bought an apartment in Spain to which they travelled twice a year for over twenty years.  Having passed her test late in life, Joy relished driving but apparently didn’t always adhere to the speed limit on the Spanish motorways!

Rod had two children, Fiona and Neil, and he and Joy united both their families into one extended unit, enjoying the company of children, sons-in-law and grandchildren for many years.  Joy had bouts of illness including cancer during these years but always managed to bounce back.   The couple were keen to live out their lives in their own home and together, and, managed this with support of the family and a team of lovely carers.

Sadly Rod died at the end of March and it was of little surprise that Joy, already quite frail, deteriorated from then, until she died in September.

Hymn – All things Bright and Beautiful - verses 1,2,4,5 –organist

We will now sing the hymn ‘All things bright and beautiful’ – the verses are on your order of service.

Tributes

I’d now like to read you the family tributes to Joy – first of all from Veronica.

Veronica’s Tribute to Mum

It is difficult to sum up what mum meant to me.  My overriding memory from childhood is that she was good fun.  She planned great birthday parties and organised regular treats including the pantomime, the circus, the cinema and the beach. She would also use the latter to work on her tan, using olive oil ...no factor 30 for her!!

Mum enjoyed being with other people and made long lasting friendships wherever she settled.  She was often the life and soul of the party and loved dancing.  It is a pity that most of you here today did not see her as a tiller girl in pantomime!!  Her love of dancing continued into later years where she and Rod would seek out flamenco dancing shows for us all to go to when Jeff and I visited them in Spain, usually combining them with good food, another of mum’s pleasures. 

Mum was always very good looking.  Appearance was important to her.  She had natural style and was, I suspect, slightly disappointed that I didn’t follow in these footsteps.  She once bought me a complete Ester Lauder make up set for Christmas in an attempt to encourage me, but sadly I didn’t have the flair she possessed. In the last week of her life, when she had largely taken to her bed, she still managed to get up for her regular hair wash and set.

Mum’s life was not always easy.  She suffered a lot of loss and also took care of her own mother from quite an early age but, like her heroine, Scarlett O’ Hara, from Gone With the Wind, she was determined that these things would not defeat her…and she instilled this in her children, though she was always there when we needed a helping hand. For above all, Mum was a wife and mother. Even when her family had grown up she loved us all getting together and would invariably come along with her famous trifle and sometimes with an extra one for Jeff because he loved it.

More recently mum needed to be cared for and sometimes would regret her dependence, saying that her children should not have to look after her as they did. I would always answer ‘you looked after us and now it is our time to look after you’ and she would smile and say ‘yes I did, didn’t I’ …and that, I think, was what she considered to be her most important achievement.  Thank you Mum.

Fiona’s tribute

From Fiona -

Ken and I would like to thank Joy for looking after my Dad so well. We were concerned when Dad retired and came back to live in England that he would not know what to do with himself.

Dad met Joy over the birth of their first grandson and we didn’t have to worry about him after that.

She gave him a new lease of life.  With her encouragement they went swimming, played table tennis, had holidays in UK and abroad, and bought an apartment in Spain which they both loved to visit. 

With Joy, Dad acquired a second loving family into which he was welcomed with open arms.

One thing I distinctly remember about Joy from the beginning was her caring side. Whenever we met, she always asked how we were and what we were doing.  That was the start, for us, of Joy becoming Mum. 

Thank you, Mum, for taking such good care of my Dad.

‘Mum’ - by -Debbie

I have so many memories of my mum. Thinking back over my life, my mum was always there. As a child, when we were in India and when home in Penarth, she was there. When my dad died, we worked together to get through. She waved me off to Manchester to university; she clapped loudly at my graduation, so proud.  She was with me at my wedding. She was thrilled for me when I got my first teaching job and when we were able to buy our first house. She sat outside the delivery suite for many hours waiting for Ian her first grandchild to be born and was there for Sam her second grandson’s   birth. She was there helping as we moved in to our house in Liphook.

She was there for her grandchildren too, visiting, sending them little postcards and letters when she wasn’t with them. When they were children she used to come up to visit in her car which was christened the “moon buggy”, bundle the boys in and take them off to Alice Holt forest, which she always called “Alice Springs”. She would strap them in and they would all shout “ wagons roll”. She encouraged them the same way she had encouraged me. Celebrating with them each step of their lives. She was so proud of them. She lived long enough to meet Barney, her second great grandchild. Meeting him brought her such joy. Despite her failing memory she talked to me about Sam (his father) and about meeting Barney, the day before she died.

My Mum taught me so many things but the main thing was the importance of family. People say we are a very close family. A lot of that was down to my Mum. I will miss her so very much.

Tribute to mum (Jo’s)

And finally, a tribute from Jo

There are so many memories and so many different words to describe my mum: Beautiful; Sophisticated; supportive; caring; family orientated; great fun and a little bit quirky!

From dancing on the table singing “she’s a wonderful mum” when I was a young child; dressing up as a witch on Halloween, running around the garden to greet as I came home as a teenager ; to a couple of months ago when we put on our sunglasses and lipstick and posed like Victoria Beckham (whom mum admired).

Family was so important to mum. She welcomed Rich and Bill with open arms when we got married. She spent a lot of time with Becky, her granddaughter; being there when she was born; taking her on days out to various places, Becky Falls being a favourite; teaching her to swim in the pool in Spain, playing Rummey Cup, and not quite managing to sit on Becky’s rubber ring in the sea-A wonderful funny memory we have of us all laughing!

She adored Becky and her great grandson Jacob. I am sure she would be smiling down fondly when Jacob stated that his great grandma known as GGM has now

 “gone in a helicopter with GGP up high in the sky to see the angels”.

Mum:  Always loving; always loved.

Reflection – Music –Summer Place – orchestral version- photo collage repeat

With all these thoughts of Joy in our hearts, and all the special memories that I’m sure each of you has brought with you today, let’s now take a few quiet moments to remember her in our own way, as we watch once again some of the happy moments in her life.

Reading – ‘Do not stand at my grave and weep’ – Mary Elizabeth Fry

‘Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.’

Hymn – Crimmond - organist

We will now sing the hymn ‘The Lord is my Shepherd’

Would you please stand

The Lord’s Prayer

Before we finally say farewell to Joy let us say The Lord’s Prayer together –

‘Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name;

Thy kingdom come thy will be done,

On Earth as it is in Heaven;

Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us;

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,

For thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory,

For ever and ever,

Amen

Committal – curtains to remain open

It is now time to say farewell to Joy, to give thanks to her for a life shared, and to send her our blessings on her journey.

‘To everything there is a season,

And a time to every purpose under the heaven,

A time to be born and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted’

So now dear Joy,

Into the freedom of wind and sunshine

We let you go;

Into the dance of the stars and the planets

We let you go;

Into the wind’s breath and the hands of the star maker,

We let you go.

May you rest in eternal peace surrounded by our love.’

Closing Words

You have heard today from the family’s tributes how much Joy was loved by them and how much they appreciated the fact that she was always there for them whenever they needed her. She lived her life to the full, coping with all its ups and downs as best she could. I know that the gap she will leave in their lives is a measure of their love for her. However, as we said earlier, after Rod’s death, Joy seemed to lose her zest for life, as is so often the way when devoted couples lose their spouse.  So perhaps we can find some grain of comfort in the thought that you, the people she loved,  where there for her when she needed you, and that she is now at rest and free from life’s concerns – up and away in her helicopter to be re-united with Rod and see the angels as Jacob so charmingly imagines  it.

Blessing

As Joy starts her journey

‘May she know in her soul that there is no need to be afraid;

May there be a beautiful welcome for her in the home that she is going to;

May she be given every blessing and shelter that she needs;

May she be led on her journey by our love.’

And may the love of friends and family, the joy of memory and our hopes for the future give us the strength and peace that we may go forward into life together without her, until a new day breaks and the shadows disappear.

Thank you for joining us here today.  The family invite you to join them after the service at the Dolphin in Beer and as you leave the chapel you will see that there is a collection box for Seaton Hospice care at Home should you wish to make a donation in Joy’s Memory.

Music to Exit – Theme music from ‘Gone with the wind’